Day 80 brought with it a feeling I’m
not entirely unfamiliar with: inadequacy. Don’t get me wrong, I feel that
self-esteem is overrated in modern culture and don’t strive to look for
affirmation within my everyday life, but for some reason I awoke with the
woeful feeling of being small and insignificant. I felt like I was standing alone
back home underneath the full heavens with its many and mighty stars and
yelling “I’m important!” only to be answered with silence. The transience of my
life is something that I have contemplated quite a lot throughout my life. The
knowledge that my life will pass in history like a warm breath on a winter wind
can be depressing. I know that I will leave little to attest to the fact that I
once indeed did live. My thoughts, troubles, and triumphs – while seemingly
significant to me – will be but a drop in the ocean of life. Confronted with
thoughts such as these, I am rarely surprised that I feel inadequate.
I’ve wondered if the hobbits ever
felt inadequate. Certainly they must have, faced with such evil and the
destruction of their world. Yet the hobbits, the most insignificant creatures
were the ones who in the end saved their world. It was through their actions
that an evil was destroyed.
As I go through life I am often
reminded of Galadriel’s words, “Even the smallest person can change the course
of the future.” So when I’m back in that field with the stars mockingly
overhead I know that I may be small and insignificant in comparison, but there
is a reason I am alive, there is a reason God put me here in this time and
place. I have yet to figure out that reason and doubt I ever will, but knowing
there is a reason is enough to continue life with a purpose. There will often
be feelings of inadequacy as I continue my journey, but there are often small
moments of insight when I am still long enough to realize the life I have been
blessed with.
The Road Goes Ever On and On,
~ Daisy Buttons
The Road Goes Ever On and On,
~ Daisy Buttons
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